How the process saved my life

I’ve been through some shit. I went to war a few times, lost my dad at a young age and lost my stepdad, like a second dad to me, in recent times too. two dads gone and im only in my thirties. I live with massive amounts of regret, my dad died a week before I was supposed to come home from Afghanistan. I had every opportunity to call home that week and even that day but I was too dumb to actually do it. I never got to say goodbye. I’ve been to war twice, I spent 9 years in the military under leadership that did nothing but stress workers out and lead by fear. I’ve lost friends to drugs. I failed out of college twice. I’ve been fired from a really good job bc I’m a damn idiot. But the biggest mistake of my life may have ended up being the best thing to happen to me. I lied to my gf and my sons mom and told her I was working overnight shift ( I was supposed to but didn’t go). I did work my first overnight shift and when I was done at 7 am I stopped at my dealers house and got some cocaine. Then shit got weird. I went home for about 12 minutes made up some lie about how I needed to go back to work and instead got a room in ac. And I partied like a Rockstar. After a good 24 hour binge and the coke, money and alcohol ran out there was nothing left but shame and guilt.

So I came to the conclusion I needed to be home. I was ready to admit I had a problem with drugs and alcohol and I wanted help. But my dumbass decided to drive home. At some point I don’t remember I got off the ac expressway and was on some back road, and must have fallen asleep. I swerved and hit a brand new ford f150 head on. The guy driving was an off duty cop in that town. I was fucked. I got arrested and got the dui thing and all, but I had to call my gf to pick me up at the police station. She had to bring my 4 month old son. Obviously she wasn’t taking me home so she took me to my parents, where she told me our relationship was over, I’d never see my son again, and she was changing his last name. That last part hit me hard, that last name was on my chest for 2 wars, my dad gave me that last name, which his dad gave him, that last name was supposed to have honor on it not shame, my son was supposed to carry on that honor, but now I ruined all that.  I got dropped off at my parents, took a bunch of pills, and went to sleep with no intention of ever waking up again. Spoiler Alert, I woke up.

After that weekend things obviously needed to change. I was invited back to my house and family. But the next few weeks still a little uncertain and I messed up “relapsed”. Finally went to rehab for a week and my insurance said it wouldn’t cover it after the week I was there and sent me home. Whatever happened that week, I think it just showed me the seriousness of my action, when I came home I decided to be sober and have been sober ever since. Actually that’s a lie, later I’ll explain I battle depression and ptsd and recently I’ve been prescribed marijuana and it’s has helped so much but that’ll be another post. The battle wasn’t over, I was kicked out the guard and I lost my full time job. I became a stay at home dad, my gf was a nurse worked 3 12s and in her final 2 semesters to get her masters, so she was out of the house majority of the week. My world was completely flipped.

So what does this all have to do with “the process?” Well being at home all day long not being able to drive or go anywhere with a 4 month old baby it’ll make you go crazy. Put that on top of trying to fight the urge to drink and do drugs, I kinda slipped into a serious depression. Honestly the only reason I got out of bed in the morning was because if I didn’t my son would eat. I needed a hobby a distraction. I did the gym thing and continued to play basketball, and that helped but what about the hours I was stuck in the house. Well I dove into the process even more than I did before. I read everything I could. I followed every beat writer and basketball writer i can find on twitter. I studied potential draft picks the Sixers could get. I knew the odds to where the Sixers would land in the draft. I became completely obsessed. I haven’t missed a game since then, even if I’m not home I record it and watch it the next day. I used the Sixers who I’ve always loved, and the process of a complete distraction from real life and the shit that I did and my consequences. Truly when I say that without that and the process I would have one less crutch to help me become a better person and still be here for my son and family.

It’s crazy how far both the Sixers and I have come since then and the process. Sixers have come from 10 win season to a top 3 team in the east and potential championship team. I was the human version of a 10 win team, now I’m “sober” happy, in a position to finally graduate college in the near future and if I may brag I’m a pretty fucking good dad. And I’m alive. And the Sixers and the process played a great roll In that. So thank you to the Sixers, thank you to Sam hinkie and the process. Thank you Joel embiid. Thank you to all the writers and radio host on twitter who I commented on everything they tweeted over and over again until they finally responded and engaged in a convo when I had no one else to talk to. Thank you to my family and friends who stuck by my the whole time and let me ramble on about a terrible Sixers team all i wanted. You guys are the real mvps without all you I don’t know where I’d be.

Ps Best part about all this I get my license back soon and I’ll be taking my son to his first Sixers game this season. Life is good. Trust the process.

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