So I need to get some shit off my chest. So I have a pretty good group of friends. And I always thought of them as family and I would lay my life down for them if needed. But now things happen and I’m so glad I never had to for some.
The other day a friend of close to 11 years attacked me really personally on social media. He called me a life troll, he called me a scambag, and he said he would never stoop to my level. Then he said he was gonna air shit out on a public social media sites. I never did anything wrong to him so I was confused. I talked to our friend and we only have one guess.
Quick back story… 3 years ago I hit rock bottom. I binged too hard on cocaine and alcohol drove home fell asleep and crashed my car. I lost my job because of it, I was kicked out of the military, and I was going to lose my family. My son and gf at the time.
I decided to get help. A guy on base directed me to go to the VA. I went there and told a psych my story. She diagnosed me with ptsd and depression. Since then I’ve been seeking treatment and there are some other things wrong.
The va system pays people based on disability ratings. I am rated at 90% right now. The va also pays for my school and pays me an allowance while I’m in school. Because of this I have not got a full time job. I worked here and there, side jobs temp jobs, but I have the ability now to stay home now with my 2 kids and my fiancé can work. We save a ton of money on daycare. This is what is best for my family right now.
So fast forward to the other day and why my friend things I’m such a scumbag. Fuck man I used to Skype his ass when I was in Iraq. So I only came up with one thing, he doesn’t believe me he thinks I’m taking advantage of the system. It makes sense Bc he always gets real personal in group text about me not having a job and being on welfare.
So I was Air Force. I’ve been to iraq and Afghanistan. I did not go outside the wire. I worked on airplanes. So I’m guessing this “friend” sees that and assumed I’m making up that I have PTSD and whatever. I’m guessing because I never had to shoot a gun he doesn’t understand what really happened to me. Or understand what ptsd actually is. I’ve tried to commit suicide twice in my life. A few months ago he told me to go kill myself via group chat. It was a joke but it wasn’t funny to me, so I this is another reason I don’t think he believes me.
I am outspoken about my condition. Im outspoken about my tours. When someone attacks me for being “soft” I’ll fucking tell them I’ve been to war twice and tell them again how soft I am. So i guess because of all this he doesn’t respect me anymore and doesn’t want anything to do with me.
This same dude posted about mental health and thoughts and prayers and shit when Demi lovato od’d and when when musicians have committed suicide.
But me, never asked never talked to me never even asked if I was ok. I guess it’s because somewhere in his head he doesn’t believe me.
The thing people don’t understand is that just because you aren’t on an active battlefield, shit happens. I had a rocket hit a c130 150 feet away from me. There is constant rocket and mortar attacks. In Kandahar there are bombs being dropped outside of base the whole time we were tying to sleep. Some people were ok with it, turns out I was not. It fucked me up.
But at the end of it all, a friend I considered family, someone I would have took a bullet for lost respect for me because he doesn’t believe me.
This is why people don’t talk about problems they have. This is one of the reason I took so long to admit I had some different problems. It’s the fear of being judged and the fear of not being believed. But I never thought it would actually be a close friend. It’s crazy.
This had me thinking, this kind of behavior needs to stop. If you think you have the right to judge someone who has problems, just because of idk what reason, you should take a look in the mirror. Bc you are the problem. You are the reason that people don’t ask for help. You are the reason that suicidal person, actually does it. Bc they of what people like you will do, say, or believe. And bullshit.
In conclusion, fuck you.