Punk Music

so I had to do a research paper on punk music last semester. it was just an annotated bib with an opinion section after. i really enjoyed writing the opinion section so i decided i was going to post it so here it is.


            It all started at summer camp freshman year of high school. I was a little guy back then with not many friends. To this point of my life music wasn’t a big thing to me. I listened to some here and there but never had that connection personally. Then a friend was playing the New Found Glory album and I asked about it. To my surprised it opened a door into a whole new genre and experience with music. I connected to it, some of the songs and the lyrics it was like they were singing about me. Then came my first concert, NFG and H2O at The Electric Factory. And the obsession began and never faded, I still listen and go shows now at 34.

In the beginning of my research I thought punk music was a significantly new genre. I knew the Ramones started in the 70s but did not realize how much was done before them. Also, I did not know how the influence of punk spread from the US to Europe and back. I had listened and follow some bands that were politically charged but for the most part I listened to emo and emotional pop punk. Usually about girls that didn’t like me but I was infatuated with. It was cool to see how punk started as a political stance.

I had heard of bands like The Clash and the Sex Pistols but did not know much about them. To see how these bands started and how they become the voice for working class kids, kids like me that had trouble “making” it in the world. It really made me think back to lyrics of bands like The Offspring and Green Day, and I think I started to understand more what they were really talking about. They didn’t just have cool guitar rifts and drums but they also had a message.

One thing I found in my research that really stood out to me was all the subgenres of punk. To me there was hardcore, emo, pop, and ska. But to learn about Anarcho and Celtic punk was new to me. I have heard of bands like Flogging Molly and Dropkick Murphy’s but was not aware they had their own subgenre. I knew there was an Irish twist to it but had no idea that it incorporated Irish traditions and instruments. Cowpunk, which is a cross between country and punk is something that I have never heard of. But it’s real, and I may even take a listen one day. A cross between old country and honky tonk bands and with a harder punk edge is a wild concept to me, but you learn something new every day.

It was cool to read about how fashion and punk went hand in hand. Growing up in the punk scene I thought I was just wearing clothes, band t shirts and jeans. I never wore the black leather jacket but I had friends who could pull it off. No idea that was a trend started in the 70s by The Ramones. Knowing that punk fashion, spread from the US to Europe and other parts of the world is crazy to me. I was just a kid wearing what my favorite bands wore. I had no idea the influence it had all over the world.

My favorite part of researching the genre is the steady theme of attitude that comes along with punk music. It really does stand up to its name: PUNK! I loved the “we don’t care attitude” that came with punk rock. And reading and learning about its origins and how CNN wrote articles about how much it was hated and how it shocked the world, almost gave me a sense of pride. I loved that edge that came with the music and the lifestyle. I liked learning that it started in the 70 and was promoted with danger. Reading the quote from the CNN article about it promoting nothing but violence, sex, and destruction, and I imagine some snotty stuck up suit and tie writing it. And then I picture a young me with 2 middle fingers raised in a pit surrounded by a bunch of sweaty stupid kids dancing, moshing, and just having fun. Then I can see that edge, danger, and attitude that started with early version of punk and lasted throughout the years.

Punk music has left a major imprint on my life. As I sit here, writing this paper, headphones in ears listening to Senses Fail, wearing a Senses Fail tour shirt I realize how much of an impact it actually had on me.  Punk isn’t just a type of music, its an attitude, a look, and a lifestyle. my favorite part of researching was seeing how the pioneers of punk were almost just like me. A bunch of kids looking for something new, looking for a voice, looking for a connection and I’m glad they found it. Because if they didn’t find it, I would have never been sitting in that cabin listening to my first punk album, and I don’t think my life would have ended up the same.

In my research, in the CNN article Punk Shocks the World it references a Time article and quote about punk music from the 1970s. I fell in love with this quote. This quote from the 70s still holds true today:

“In Tokyo, Chicago and Paris, kids are bumping, grinding, loving, hating, wailing to the loud, raucous, often brutal sounds of punk rock… Musicians and listeners strut around in deliberately torn T shirts and jeans; ideally, the rips should be joined with safety pins…. the hair is often heavily greased and swept up into a coxcomb of blue, orange or green, or a comely two-tone … The music aims for the gut.”


The stigma we need to leave behind

So I need to get some shit off my chest. So I have a pretty good group of friends. And I always thought of them as family and I would lay my life down for them if needed. But now things happen and I’m so glad I never had to for some.

The other day a friend of close to 11 years attacked me really personally on social media. He called me a life troll, he called me a scambag, and he said he would never stoop to my level. Then he said he was gonna air shit out on a public social media sites. I never did anything wrong to him so I was confused. I talked to our friend and we only have one guess.

Quick back story… 3 years ago I hit rock bottom. I binged too hard on cocaine and alcohol drove home fell asleep and crashed my car. I lost my job because of it, I was kicked out of the military, and I was going to lose my family. My son and gf at the time.

I decided to get help. A guy on base directed me to go to the VA. I went there and told a psych my story. She diagnosed me with ptsd and depression. Since then I’ve been seeking treatment and there are some other things wrong.

The va system pays people based on disability ratings. I am rated at 90% right now. The va also pays for my school and pays me an allowance while I’m in school. Because of this I have not got a full time job. I worked here and there, side jobs temp jobs, but I have the ability now to stay home now with my 2 kids and my fiancé can work. We save a ton of money on daycare. This is what is best for my family right now.

So fast forward to the other day and why my friend things I’m such a scumbag. Fuck man I used to Skype his ass when I was in Iraq. So I only came up with one thing, he doesn’t believe me he thinks I’m taking advantage of the system. It makes sense Bc he always gets real personal in group text about me not having a job and being on welfare.

So I was Air Force. I’ve been to iraq and Afghanistan. I did not go outside the wire. I worked on airplanes. So I’m guessing this “friend” sees that and assumed I’m making up that I have PTSD and whatever. I’m guessing because I never had to shoot a gun he doesn’t understand what really happened to me. Or understand what ptsd actually is. I’ve tried to commit suicide twice in my life. A few months ago he told me to go kill myself via group chat. It was a joke but it wasn’t funny to me, so I this is another reason I don’t think he believes me.

I am outspoken about my condition. Im outspoken about my tours. When someone attacks me for being “soft” I’ll fucking tell them I’ve been to war twice and tell them again how soft I am. So i guess because of all this he doesn’t respect me anymore and doesn’t want anything to do with me.

This same dude posted about mental health and thoughts and prayers and shit when Demi lovato od’d and when when musicians have committed suicide.

But me, never asked never talked to me never even asked if I was ok. I guess it’s because somewhere in his head he doesn’t believe me.

The thing people don’t understand is that just because you aren’t on an active battlefield, shit happens. I had a rocket hit a c130 150 feet away from me. There is constant rocket and mortar attacks. In Kandahar there are bombs being dropped outside of base the whole time we were tying to sleep. Some people were ok with it, turns out I was not. It fucked me up.

But at the end of it all, a friend I considered family, someone I would have took a bullet for lost respect for me because he doesn’t believe me.

This is why people don’t talk about problems they have. This is one of the reason I took so long to admit I had some different problems. It’s the fear of being judged and the fear of not being believed. But I never thought it would actually be a close friend. It’s crazy.

This had me thinking, this kind of behavior needs to stop. If you think you have the right to judge someone who has problems, just because of idk what reason, you should take a look in the mirror. Bc you are the problem. You are the reason that people don’t ask for help. You are the reason that suicidal person, actually does it. Bc they of what people like you will do, say, or believe. And bullshit.

In conclusion, fuck you.

Nature essay for comp 2

so this is an extremely rough draft. the citations are not correct at all and there is no reference page. i suck at writing in my opinion and would love to hear feed back from anyone out there that may have some ideas how i make this better. again the citations are extremely wrong, but i hope it is clear what i took from sources and what is my own. one thing to note is this is a casual essay. i just got my copy back from the instructor i guess i did not really give a cause and effect. also i was told i do not have a thesis, which i anticipated. i thought i did it through the whole party thing and its our fault but maybe it wasnt clear enough i can fix that though. 

Robin Williams once said, ” Spring is nature’s way of saying ‘Let’s party'”. Maybe he didn’t say that, maybe he did but that sounds like something he would say. But what happens if spring never comes? Is that nature’s way of telling us the party is over?

Right now, the party is still going, but nature, she is sitting there looking at the clock just waiting to yell last call at any minute. And it’s the party goers’ fault. Climate change is coming, if it’s not already here, and the harder we party and the more we act like we don’t care the more blame we deserve to take.

Coral Davenport (2018) of The New York Times, who wrote the article “Major Climate Report Describes a Strong Risk of Crisis as Early as 2040, describes a report by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (Davenport, 2018, p. 1). The report suggests the possible of the Earth’s atmospheric temperature could go up by 1.5 degrees Celsius (Davenport, 2018, p. 1). A temperature increase like that could cause “worsening food shortages, wildfires, and a mass die-off of coral reefs as soon as 2040” (Davenport, 2018, p. 1). Among other horrific consequences of this kind of event include massive droughts, losing coastlines, increase in poverty worldwide, and trillions of dollars’ worth of damage (Davenport, 2018, p. 1). According to the report the cause of this type of temperature increase is manmade greenhouse gas emissions. And if we as the party people continue at the rate we are the party is going to be done sooner than we thought.

“The effects of today’s carbon dioxide in the atmosphere will be felt for centuries to come” (Schwartz, 2018, p. 1). John Schwartz (2018), in his article “Will We Survive Climate Change?”, points out the effects of manmade climate change due to greenhouse gas. Artic Sea Ice melting, heat waves, droughts, and flooding all mentioned in the article as negative effects of climate change (Schwartz, 2018, p. 1). However, Schwartz points out that there is hope, if we can control the atmosphere temperature rise to about 1.5 degrees Celsius, the amount of damage and human lives effected by climate change can be greatly reduced (schwartz nyt 2018). Unfortunately, where we stand now no nation with major industries is closed to meeting a 2 degree goal let alone a 1.5 degree goal (schwartz nyt 2018). According to the article there is progress being made though, by individuals and young people who have become leaders in the climate change fight (scwartz 2018 nyt). We may have not started the party, but we joined, and we started to ruin the party but we can also save the party and keep it going.

Richard Conniff, a writer who specializes in wildlife and human behavior, points out that to help save the planet we need to “demand significant action to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels and slow the rate of climate change” ( Conniff nyt 2018). In his article “Despairing on Earth Day? Read This”, Conniff explains how things are happening naturally that will help save the planet ( Conniff nyt 2018).  Conniff describes a conversation he had with Joe Watson, the director of Wildlife Conservation Society, where describes the four pillars on conservation:

  • A stabilization of human population
  • Increasingly concentrated in urban areas
  • Shared understanding of nature and the environment
  • Able to escape extreme poverty

All four of these pillars are happening right now, in the world as we speak, however “recovery will not happen if we cook the planet in the meantime” (Conniff nyt 2018). Things are happening to keep the party going, but we need to do more if we want it to never stop.

Climate change is real and we, as humans, are the main contributors. Green house gases that put carbon dioxide in the atmosphere are causing the earth’s temperature to rise at an alarming rate. In Davenports article, she mentions that scientists were originally focused on effect of a 2 degree rise, but now focusing on a 1.5 degree rise with same effects ( ndavenport nyt 2018) we are on a crash course for doom. If we don’t reduce green house gases, we are on a crash course for the police to come bust up our party. The world is going to be a completely different place than we imagine and sadly spring might not come, and nature wont tell us it’s time to party anymore.

Henry David Thoreau once said “We can never have enough nature”. As we stand today we are losing nature. Ice caps are melting, shorelines are disappearing, and animals are going extinct. But Schwartz and Conniff offer us hope. That we aren’t doomed. As humans migrate to urban areas animals are leaving protected areas and heading back to nature (scwartz nyt 2018). Technology is being created that is taking us away from coal and gas emitting energy. Even though we did some damage in our world party, and we are losing a little bit of nature because of what we did, is salvageable and with the right adjustments and advancement in the right direction we can make sure our party never stops. Like the old saying “Aint no party like a earth party because an earth party don’t stop”! Hopefully.

Jump on a grenade

Throughout my life I was always ready. Ready to support the people close to me when needed. I was ready to take a bullet for someone. I would have jumped on a Grenade for the people I called my brothers. And I always thought ppl would do the same. But I was wrong, almost every time. But I’m not changing.

I don’t care how fake people are. I don’t care how much people turn their back on me. I don’t care that when it gets tough they bail. I’m not going to do that. That’s not who I am. I will continue to fight and I if someone needs me I’m gonna do what I can to help. Because that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s not supposed to be easy, you’re supposed to fight for those you care about, and I’m not going to let others actions change my morals.

I find it funny because they sit there and tell you they understand. They listen and know what you go through. They hear the words but they don’t truly care. I used to think that maybe they just don’t understand, but I don’t think it’s that simple. I come to terms that they don’t want to understand. It’s easier for them. Bc when something happens, when you hit that low point, when you do something that they “don’t understand” and isn’t normal, it’s easier for them to bail. “Why did he do that, that’s not normal. Must be going crazy”. And then their gone.

It’s funny bc the same ones that disappear when you need them the most are the same ones that run to social media when a celebrity dies or commits suicide or overdoses. Talking about mental health and how bad it is and how we need to do something and be open. But when people close to them go through the same stuff what happens. They get a post? A text? A phone call? Some support? Nope. See it’s more work to be compassionate to those who may really need their help. It’s easy to be compassionate and look like you care when the person you “care” about is never going to ask you for help or actually need you.

I remember sitting in Iraq and Afghanistan and seeing post and thought and prayers for celebrities who died or whatever. Then I’m sitting there getting back to the computer after a mortar attack to no messages. Not post. I message some people, but I guess they were too busy. But they weren’t too busy to say how sad they were about Whitney Houston. I guess that should have been my first clue to bail. I hit rock bottom about 3.5 years ago, I had a select few people that stood by me through the darkest times, some bailed, some came back when I was “good” and some I never heard from again. I guess it’s my fault I put too much faith in people.

No matter how much this happens, even the little things that people do to me bc of selfishness, I’m not changing. See when you hit rock bottom, when you’ve lost hope, when you went to sleep with no caring about actually waking up, and then you do, and you get that second chance it changes you. I don’t care what anyone has done to me. I don’t care if you bailed when it was hard. If you need me I’m going to be there. Just ask. I owe to the people that stood by me when they shouldn’t have. I owe it to humanity, bc I’ve bailed on people. I’ve done exactly what I complained about in this post to people. I was one of those people. But I’m not now, I’ll jump on a grenade for you in a heartbeat. I’m not going anywhere.


So the Sixers can’t beat the Celtics. Really it’s really annoying. Mainly because I hate the Celtics. 0-3 this season and a lot more losses before this. I think I hate it just as much as Joel. But I really think that is about to change.

This is a whole new team.

So I never finished this. But now I’m back, and the Sixers finally beat the Celtics. It was cool honestly, good game I was really into it. Sometimes I have problems going to sleep, so I use medical marijuana. I was so pumped after the win I actually had to go back outback in order to fall asleep. I haven’t been that hype since the super bowl honestly.

But of course the Sixers has to sixer and lose 2 straight to the hawks and magic. Who actually aren’t bad teams, hawks have more talent than their record indicates and the magic might make the playoffs.

Bad losses happen in the nba. I understand that. And usually I don’t like to overreact to any one game. But last night against the magic, man I was mad. If you lose to the magic that’s fine, but it was like they didn’t care. It feels like the Sixers are a little too confident right now, thinking they can bullshit through a game and then just win at the end. Losing happens, but when it’s lack of effort is when I get mad.

Watching last night game after the 3rd quarter I honestly believe Brett should have empty his bench for the whole fourth. I know you don’t bench stars in the nba. 40% of Joel Embiid still gives you a better chance to win than bolden or Amir. But Joel looked like he was running at 10%. If you are going to lose because you are bullshitting and don’t care, I’d rather see you lose because you played shake and zhaire the whole 4th.

Although there was a lot to complain about with last night’s game I’m really not worried. They aren’t going to lose in the first round. I understand the season is a grind. I think the 3 seed is pretty much locked up. I’d rather not see them coast to the end but the talent on this team will get them to the second round.

I also don’t buy into this theory of ecf or bust. Or that if they don’t get past the second round the season is a failure or the coach should be fired. There is so many variables. Brand new team, trying to figure things out. I think there is more pressure on in the offseason and next season than this year. If they resign everyone and improve the bench a little with shake and zhaire and the draft. Then there is pressure. This is a gel time.

That being said, I think they get past the second round at least.

Is addiction a disease?

WHO THE FUCK CARES! Honestly this is the dumbest debate I’ve listened to in a long time. And the fact that so many people are so passionate about it not being a disease is concerning. It’s literally the most unproductive thing one can be passionate about. So addiction is considered a disease who cares, it changes nothing in your life. When you wake up in the morning and go about your day the fact that addiction is labeled a disease changes nothing about your day.

And stop with all the Bullshit argument, well it’s a choice not a disease. So people with lung cancer due to smoking isn’t a disease because that’s a choice. Heart disease. Forms of diabetes. All that argument does it make you sound dumb and really shows your true colors. Let’s be real the reason you are so passionate about it is because you want to built yourself up by looking down on people. That’s it. No other reason why this is such a huge debate.

So while you are sitting there at work looking forward to Friday night so you can go out and have beers with your friends, or while you’re crushing some Budweiser arguing about how addiction isn’t a disease and how calling it a disease isn’t fair to cancer patients (yup i already know your next argument) think about this. That cancer patient you feel so bad for, you think they are sitting there getting chemo all pissed off because addiction is considered a disease and so is cancer? Or do you think just maybe they don’t give a fuck about it and instead really just want to beat cancer and live life with friends family etc. Stop using others misfortunes and problems to push your bullshit narrative that is only a thing because you want to make yourself seem so much better than someone who struggles with addiction. Stop trying to tear people down to make yourself feel better about you.

I do believe addiction is a disease, and there is a scientific reason for it, but I’ll let you do your own research. Honestly if anyone reads this that disagrees with me you aren’t going to do the research. You’ll read a meme that helps push your narrative and then continue to go own arguing your point to make yourself feel better. And honestly I don’t give a shit about your opinion or trying to change it. Because just like my original argument it doesn’t fucking matter. I’m just hear to rant because all these holier than thou Facebook warriors out there trying to argue this stuff piss me off. Grow up. Take a look in the mirror and try to do something to make your life better, try doing something productive. Rant over


In 2012 I was in Kandahar Afghanistan. It was my second deployment. Being a maintenance guy in country on f16s we don’t go outside the wire. We have computers and internet and ability to call home almost whenever we want. Work days could get hectic but it’s possible to find time to call home. After about 5 months one can get comfortable. Know I can call home whenever some days I just decided not to, because of pure laziness. I was 4 days from flying out of there. I figured I’d just call the day before I leave and the morning before take off and everything would be ok. But then in the middle of my sleep someone banged on my door hard. Scared the shit out of me I thought it was indirect fire that hit close. It was my buddy telling me I needed to call home. My mom picked up the phone, my dad was in the hospital and it didn’t look good. I packed a book bag and my first shirt found me a spot on a plane headed to Kuwait so I can fly to Vegas where my dad was living. Everyone worked so fast to get me out of there quickly but it didn’t matter he died before I even got out of Afghan.

I never talked to my dad, my best friend again. He never knew I made it home safe. I should have called home everyday. It’s only a couple minutes just to say hi and I loved him. I carried that cross around for a long time. Looking back now i went a little crazy. Between that and some hard time adjusting to being back home, I masked some shit with partying. Drinking coke girls anything to take my mind off it. I don’t think I really understood I was self medicating but it makes sense now. That was the biggest regret of my life, and I’ve done some dumb shit. Why the fuck didn’t I call home.

See what I’ve learned since I’ve become sober (mostly I’m prescribed marijuana but I’ll write about that another time) is you gotta let shit go. For years after I came home i was in such a fucked up place I was actually happy that my dad wasn’t here to see me like that. How fucked up is that I was actually happy my dad died. Crazy. But I’m starting to figure it out, the best thing I can do is let go of that regret and instead help my dad live on through me. Raise my son the way he raised me. My dad was always there for me I’m going to do the same for my son and daughter. I’m letting go of this regret and instead I’m gonna honor my dad in the way I live life now.

I can sit here and ramble off about 1000 regrets I have in my life. Everyone can everyone fucks up and everyone lives with some sort of guilt. But to me ranting about all the shit I fucked up is pointless. Mistakes, regrets, guilt it’s only bad if you don’t learn from it. A couple years ago, I partied like a rockstar in ac for a day and a half. I drove home fell asleep behind the wheel and wrecked my car. Couldn’t have been the worse thing to ever happen to me, and it sucked but I learned from it. I learned it’s no way to live life and that I was only hurting the people who loved me. So I stopped living that life, and became the man And father I am today. Outside of my son being born, that accident was the best thing to happen to me (that will become number 3 in feb when my daughter is born).

I’ve learned to train my mind and thing outside the box. Take what is given to me and make it better. Bad good or indifferent if learn from it and change for the good then nothing is truly bad. This is not an easy concept to learn, and I’ll most likely never perfect it, but I’ll tell you the more I learn to do it and apply it to life the happier I am. So bring it on, and I’m sure I’ll keep fucking up but I’m done making the same mistakes over and over again. I’m done carrying that load and I’m done being unhappy. I’m gonna beat regret because I’m gonna learn from it and my life and the people around me will be better for that.

In conclusion I love you dad. I made it home safe and I’ll carry on your legacy and honor through me and my kids. You’ll live on forever through us.